Exes

Turning on my MP3, thinking of writing when My Friends, a song by Red Hot Chili Pepper captured my thoughts for a while. A question popped –up in my head. Why? Why can’t some people changed? It’s been lingering in my head for a while, didn’t give it much thought though, till now. I mean, I don’t really care of what people think or act, it’s their choice, even I don’t want to be control, and because of that, I don’t want to control anybody’s act or think. I would just give a layout to whoever that cares, and it’s up to them.

Currently, ironically, Blind Melon’s song, I Wonder started itself up, one of my favourite song. Yeah, I’m wondering right now. My ex called a few days ago. That’s the last call I received from her, it’s almost a week now. With that, I think I can assuredly confirm myself that she’s gone for good. She was upset about my current life right now, happier than she was. She found out about my girlfriend, and as usual, started to throw me accuses and such without finding out the real story.

You know, I don’t feel mad anymore. Just a feeling of pity for her, pray that she would eventually be happy one day, living in her own created perfect world. It’s sad to be parted, I never wished our relationship to end this way, I never did. After 4 years, all the things promised have blown out to bits. It took me a year (the 4th) to finally realize that the feeling I felt for her was pity, nothing more, nothing less. Why can’t she just changed? I have changed a lot because of her, but it’s not enough, nothing ever enough for her.

The sad thing was, after I broke-up with her, I started to go out with other women. Promising myself to search for an unknown stranger, I started to hang out with places I’ve never dreamed of going, in search of solitude, peace and quite. Hoping for a re-bound, it was great at first, and then started to notice, yet again, that they tried to use me. What’s wrong with these people? Can’t they appreciate a guy who listened? Who really cares? Of course, I’m not one that easily falls in love with anyone though I still remained friends with some of them.

Of course, I started to find other types of people as well, it’s a wonder for me, because if you really do search for different types of people, there they are, just right in front of you. Some of them do freak me out a bit. I thought I was crazy, but they were even crazier! I’m cautioned enough not to let any of them knew where my house was, only Allah knew what they would have done if they knew, psychotic stalker, and to think that some of them I just met once, no promise has been given, of course, Allah, I wasn’t even flirting!

After the rebound “session” has finished, I started to lay low. Hanging out with my friends again somehow rejuvenates me. I started to feel myself again. Alhamdulillah, about two months ago, I’ve met this girl, and yeah, I have no intention at first to tackle her or anything, but those things just came by itself. I’ve gave up my mission to find someone that can understand me, and after three disastrous relationship, I don’t think anyone will, thinking that it was all bullshit and crap.

But here she was, describing every detail of me, some that even I didn’t aware of. She even said what should have been done to people of my type. I was dumbfounded. Never, did anyone told me that. All anyone (my exes) ever thought about was how or what I should/would do to satisfy them. What about me?

The only thing I regret right now was my exes. I mean, I won’t get back to them, but as a friend, I wish I could do something to get them back on track. People said I have a huge impact on them. Of course I did, who would have given anything for free and still maintained when received none in return? Haha. I wanted nothing except some acknowledgement that I did exist in their life, and none of them has given that to me, what’s the point of staying then?

However, I’m a soft hearted man, if any of them in need of my help, I’ll be there, though of course, my main priority right now is the one I love right now, the one that acknowledge my existence beside her. For once, I feel really appreciated, in a relationship, my job was getting secured (even though my boss asked me to classify creditors to debtors, haha) and yeah, life is good.